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Funny Work Quotes
“It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama
“You can’t have a million-dollar dream with a minimum wage work ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me.” — Ayn Rand
“Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.” — Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
“You never become a howling success by just howling.” — Bob Harrington
“If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.” — Woody Allen
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“Think like a proton. Always positive.” — Unknown
“There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.” — Beverly Sills
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.” — Katharine Whitehorn
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” — Betty Reese
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.” — Pablo Picasso
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning.” — Anonymous
“Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.” — Robert Brault
“My sales objective is to get my prospects to look at my products the same way I look at bacon.” — Kurt Mortensen
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” – Edgar Bergen
“I’m not lazy, I’m just very relaxed.” – Unknown
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” – John Gotti
“I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.” – Unknown
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend than be one.” – Clarence Darrow
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” – Oscar Wilde
“I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” – Oscar Wilde
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” – Jerome K. Jerome
“It’s a funny thing about life: if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.” – W. Somerset Maugham
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” – Claude McDonald
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” – Groucho Marx
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.” – Unknown
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” – Unknown
“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” – Lily Tomlin
“I hate it when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity, and dreams.” – Unknown
“Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.” – Unknown
“Some people dream of success, while other people get up every morning and make it happen.” – Wayne Huizenga
“Why do they call it work if it’s supposed to be fun?” – Unknown
“I could agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.” – Unknown
“To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.” – Paul R. Ehrlich
“You don’t have to be crazy to work here; we’ll train you.” – Unknown
“I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.” – Unknown
“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.” – Lawrence Ferlinghetti
“There cannot be a crisis next week, my schedule is already full.” – Henry Kissinger
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis
“If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
“You can’t just ask customers what they want and then try to give that to them. By the time you get it built, they’ll want something new.” — Steve Jobs
“Customers are like teeth. Ignore them and they’ll go away.” — Jerry Flanagan
“Business opportunities are like buses; there’s always another one coming.” — Richard Branson
“On any given Monday I am one sale closer and one idea away from being a millionaire.” — Larry D. Turner
“Do billboard salesmen record their sales on charts? If so, who’s at the top of the billboard charts for billboard sales?” — Ryan Lilly
